Lost in this world

nice spent time with the family....

well i had sat-mon off which was totally wonderful....sat we went hiking again it was great...we where enjoyin all the amazing rocks and trees and such i have some wonderful pictures i will put them on if this girl can figure out how to lol...anyways this time i was able to keep on my feet and not on my ass...but there where others that just was havin a rough time lol...lets see my son oh he weighs about 95lbs decide to use me as a steppin stone...he used my knee and my chest lol...lets just say i have nice bruises on my knee and my sisters lol..but i felt for jim's daughter see we have to climb some of these rocks on these trails and well she had a tiny hole in her pants...lets just say when we reached the truck her ass was hangin out and a nice hole in the front....oh how i am thankful she had shorts on underneath lol....but the look was something lol...

so sunday i decided we should all go fishing...i only have been fishing once in my life but i want my kids to try different things in there life so i try to share things with them...so lets see jim had two poles which left us to buy ohhhhh 4 poles for the kids bait and of course our licenses...so we go to the damn sitting there enjoying watch the kids do there thing and my daughter is like i got one...the look and smile on here face was totally awesome and i was the next one to catch one...as the hours went by the storm started heading in which made our fishing trip short which totally sucked....but it was cool cause we just went the next day....but someone came home fried...lets just say i am so fried that i can not see where my knee cap is....its so swelled its gross...and i had to go back to work tuesday...pain pain....but all in all i had a great time with the family....and of course we cooked out on monday..who doesn't...

how to make it stop..........

question does anyone have a normal life???...I thought i had a pretty normal life until all the drama came about...

i thought family stick together....Jim's family is totally out there his sister is major drama queen...Jim decided to talk to about all the shit that is going on with his ex and him...yeah it continues she called Jim the other day and asked him if he still thinks about them....lets see its been 5yrs or 6yrs and he has never made her believe there would be anything ever again...now let me remind you that she is married again...this woman is totally out there...she told jim that there son needs to speak with someone cause he wants his parents back together...hmmmm it could not be that she wants the same thing and is putting this in his head or anything....but back to the drama queen...she just can not keep her big mouth shout she ran and told his ex everything...what the hell....then of course that lead to her calling him...blah blah shit...is it ever going to stop???

so i decided to tell him to just stop tellin his sister anything since she feeds off drama...so he decided to stop talkin to her for awhile...now this is a girl that if you make her mad she will not talk with u for a couple of weeks...she called his cell and he did not answer it...she left a message sayin oh we r playin do not answer the phone game....i feel like we r back in grade school...

all i want in life is my children...jim and his kids...and my family..and enjoy life what i have left in it...i do not want to play these stupid games...but not sure how to stop all this bullshit...

sometimes i think it would be best if we just up and moved...but i know my mother could not handle that since my grandmother passing...but i am tired of wondering what is next...

if anyone knows how to stop all this bullshit...please tell me...cause i am so wanting it to end....

the battle.....

well finally i got a day off...worked 7 days straight need time off...but we have a battle here in the house...jim's daughter and my oldest son...not sure why it is starting but they seem not able to get along...my son say's she think she is the boss...i understand she is 15 and thinks she knows all...he is 10 and he thinks he knows all 2...but i am tired of the talks with each of them over and over...not sure how to handle it...

i treat them all equal...even though she is not my blood i think of her as my daughter and i told my son no matter what happens he will always been my son and that i love him very much....he asked me if i wanted him to move out because they keep fighting...that crushed my heart i told him that would hurt me more then anything....being a single parent for years...i grew very close to my children...and i would do anything for them...and no one would separate us...i promised them when i decided to kick there dad out that i would be there for them and that we would be ok...and so far i have done that...and there is nothing in the future sayin i will not be there to help them....

i love jim with all my heart...when we got together i found myself again...i was mother mode and knew nothing more then that...he brought out other parts that i have totally missed...and i still want to marry him someday...but how do we handle this battle between our kids....i am not sure why this is even happening...i could see if we treated them different...but like i said its equal in this house...

may 7th came and gone....

well may 7th came and gone...31 great lol...i had a nice weekend though i was off the whole weekend so the kids and i and jim we did some planting and yard work it was a very nice weekend...i am not the type that will go out and see what i want for my b-day i am rather a simple kind of person...i rather have a homemade card then a store bought one...jim bought me a weepin cherry tree to put infront of the house and we added the rose bushes we bought and decided to honor my grandmother...its not the same without her...but how i dream of her almost every night as if she is still alive...what is wrong with me i can not feel as if she is gone...i really have not mourn over her....but yet i can not get myself to visit the grave site...as for her house i can not go there either....i just not sure if i am ready to let go....its been since january...everyone seems to be handling this pretty well...but as for me and my aunt we feel as if she is still alive...

my father is driving me nutz....he is getting married on june 2nd...which i totally think that is a joke but whatever....but he feels as if i should jump for him...i feel totally different in the matter i look at it as this he walked out on me when i was 5...he decided not to contact me he would enter and leave my life with no problems but then he left for 16yrs...appears again and thinks he can just pick up where he left...the only person i had in my life that totally got me was my grandmother....and along came jim and he totally gets me...as for my parents they r soooooo lost its not even funny....i am a simple kind of girl..do not expect much in life....rather just keep to myself and my family here at home...i know i should be more into my parents and i know i will not have them forever...but how can i over come all the pain my parents put on me....i just wish i had one more time to talk with my grandmother....