Lost in this world

what am i doin

well let's see i received the pharmacy job...go me lol...well i am totally excited about this means that i will be home early and i will be able to spend time with the family which was a big issue with me and my children...i do not blame them for feeling that way i mean yes they should feel comfortable with jim being here but its not the same without there mother i mean i was the one that was always home for them when they needed something...i just have a mood problem right now i feel like something is being kept from me and i hate this feeling with the passion...well i have learned if u want to know something just come out and ask...i just hate computer life....and i am not sure if jim is on the same page with me...i sit and wonder...i mean i am not sayin its cool...cause its not if he is doin shit on the computer like chating with chic's thats a totally no no situation....but i feel for him cause i work then when i get home it seems like i have to sit and talk with everyone at the same time and there is not much time for jim and i....i have been so damn tired at 9 each night i want 2 sleep...i know i have to change things around here for us...i just hope its not to late for all that...there is alot of feelings that will be totally hurt if things fall apart...the thing is there just might not be a problem lol...i could just be feelin down cause i work to much and i am not home to see them....i just remember also he asked me out to breakfast and i said no cause i work a long shift today....i am a total bitch...what am i thinkin...

stress

stress....boy do i have alot of that lately...alot of it is my own fault actually...did u ever just get tired of doin the same routine each day...like wake up get dress do the normal morning things u do and live that day, day in and day out....so i guess u can say i got sick of it and went a different route...boy did that mess things up alot lol...so i decided to stop takin my meds for my fibro and thyroid just cause i am stubborn and hate meds to begin with...and i discovered that my meds for my fibro was hidding alot of emotions i had builded up....like my grandmother passing it was hard but i am worst now then ever....i think about her all the time and alot of mixed feelings come about when i do....and here at home i can not stand the normal life....my children r well takin care of...i support them in everything they do...i encourage them to step out in this weird world we live in to get use to different ways of life out there...but my children r the clinging time the ones where u have to push them lol...anyways its easter coming up and i decided they could have a playstation 2 but to keep that playstation chores and attitudes and the non stop fighting was going to come 2 a end...well jim's daughter marisa has the teenager attitude you know the one i am never wrong so dont go there.....well that does not fly with me so yeah we did a chore chart and what happens if they do not follow the rules and stuff well lets just say i should of just made them work for the money and let them buy the damn thing cause i feel like i am in hell each day there is something going on about the chore list the playstation and its drivin me nutz....work....well that is another stress issue i have worked in the pharmacy couple of days and everything is lookin good and they want me over there fulltime...well work is being stubborn and takin there good old time sending me there...i love it there its so much more pleasant there...i mean yeah u deal with attitudes from customers but i learn to block that out...usually they r just pissed at there insurance company for not pick up more then they thought or they just do not understand so i am a target 2 get screamed at lol...i am so behind in my studies i really need to get that done also....oh and this is the best news yet my ex just called me yesterday and said he got the divorce papers for me to sign this weekend....but that also sucks major ass cause now i have to find some insurance for myself cause of my fibro and thyroid i need pills each month and blood work..ugh...i can not wait until this weather breaks i am do for a break....

March