pissed

08.23.06 (3:04 pm)   [edit]
i am so upset with everything that goes on anymore....jim does not seem 2 understand sit around here anymore...weird its coming up 2 the 2 year mark...maybe he is just tired or i do not make enough money 2 keep things afloat....i am so stressed with everything...he does not work he got hurt years ago and never seem 2 be able 2 go back 2 work...one would think doing shit around here would not be so hard...yeah for awhile he was ok with it...now he is slacking so my days off i tend 2 what needs done...i love him but i am not sure i need this emotion in my life at this time...my body nor my emotions can take it...of course he never sees my point...and the thought of him beating my daughter when she did not eat her dinner is still fresh in my mind...i am not sure i can get passed that...now that his sister is not with her husband its constant calling us 2 do this and that...maybe he wants the single life...ugh i can not type anymore...maybe later

lost myself

08.14.06 (9:03 pm)   [edit]

i guess for awhile i lost myself into pain...forgot what it felt like 2 play around with jim and enjoy the little laughs we have chasing each other around the living room...i feel better today just my leg and foot is swelled not sure what that is all about...i was tired all day today but i did not let that bring me down...i did some house work and spent time with my kids and enjoyed my time with jim..

i felt bad these few days cause the kids wanted 2 see there dad for his b-day but of course the kids where not thought of he went out of town with his g/f...he texted message me 2 say i am roaming i can not call the kids i will call sunday...blah blah...so i related the message back 2 the kids sayin how he would call them sunday...of course sunday rolls around and no phone call...nothing worst then sitting lookin at 3 kids with long faces and there is nothing u can do about it...so i stepped out and called him and said u have 3 kids upset all they wanted 2 do was say happy birthday why can u not give that much...of course the asshole did not call them...today monday he calls sayin how he got home late and wanted 2 speak 2 them...not one of them said happy b-day which i do not blame them...but of course he said i will get u guys sunday and u can spend the night here...here is where i have a major problem...last time they spent the night there they had no food...my kids where eating crackers for breakfast...that is one thing i can say about myself is that no matter what my children will eat....grrrrr he makes me sick...

my son is having stomaches almost everyday...i think he has a ulcer i know he is young but i had one when i was 13 and it is in the family...cause its weird he has pains all day when he eats it goes away then comes back but when he eats it stops hurting...i feel bad for him he has gone threw so much....he struggles in school and i know he gets pretty upset with his dad...i just wish there was something i can do...but i can not take that pain away that his dad keeps giving him...someday i hope it ends and my kids can get passed it...but i know its not easy i have been through it all...

i have 2 spend some time with my youngest boy...i am not sure where his head is at..at times cause he just does not get it...u will say the grass is green and he will say u told me 2 cut the grass...jim gets upset with him alot and i know this bothers ryan and he trys really hard around jim but jim has had it with him...so i think i will just do something with him....but i know how jim feels i butt heads with his son...i hate the fact that i butt heads with this little boy but he gets on my nerves cause he can not do a damn thing for himself and relys on jim 2 do everything...and i know it cause his mother does everything for him but he is going on 10 i believe he needs 2 do major growing up...and i know jim sees it 2 we have talked about it but i really hate the fact i let this little boy has me thinking this way about him...but i see the same treatment in how jim talks with ryan...ryan drives jim nutz...hopefully i can find away for all of us 2 come together and understand each other soon lol...i know i am askin for alot...

well i think i need some more alone time with jim so i must leave now and enjoy this time:)

work and drama

08.12.06 (5:26 am)   [edit]
this week the hours have been crazy...2-11,11:30-8:30,7-4,5-12, 10-7,7-4...i cannot wait until monday 2 have my day off i so need it...last night was hell at work...but jim's ex is starting again..i am so damn happy bill and i r not like that i could not have the drama each time its close 2 there visit time with him...which is rather funny cause we all know bill never sees his kids...but this lady is something she moves back up here 2 live with her sister and does not have a job nor will she look for one so she goes 2 court has jim's childsupport raised cause poor her can not work...anyways she puts the boy in football jim tried 2 tell her now is not the time 2 waste money on football wait until u r settle up here,well of course she does not hear him as he speaks and gets the boy into football well see they live 30minutes from us or more now i am not sure how u all feel about gas prices but he has my truck which it cost 70 2 fill the damn thing up so she told him when he gets the kids for 2 weeks he needs 2 take him 2 practice well jim said i am not driving there each day and spending over 140 on gas and sitting there 4 hours ....he has other children 2 tend 2 there is 5 of them....well she got bent out of shape sayin he needs 2 support his son and be there and all that jazz but see what she does not know is i am the one that holds down all the bills here and i pay for her children 2 eat at my house and all that shit and i put my foot down i got a raise at work and its not going 2 his son 2 take him back and forth 2 football if she wants him 2 attend she can come into our town and recieve him i am tired of all the shit and i had it...she is rather stupid 2 think of football at a time like this...but can not spend 7 bucks on her daughter she is sick....the daugther never gets anything all i ever hear is dakota dakota...what about her daughter....so now she is threating jim by sayin i guess i will have 2 keep him....whatever...she is going 2 look rather stupid later in these kids eyes...funny thing is her daughter already sees it now and she is pushing her out....like i always say it bites ya in the ass at the end...

what a day...good and bad lol

08.10.06 (8:28 pm)   [edit]

well today i was approved 2 have a pay increase lol...but the beginning of my day did not start off so great...had muscle spasms all night where my legs felt like i walked all day...and for some reason i feel as if i did not sleep at all...so i woke 2 be tired and cranky...my parents took there vacation for a week where i was left 2 feed there cat....well jim took the job 2 feed that damn cat...where drama came upon us my mom said she treated her house for fleas and well jim and i the first day stopped by the house 2 feed the damn cat and as i was getting into my car i was shocked 2 find that my white socks where now black...yep over 400 fleas where attacking my ankles i was so freaked out i was running down the sidewalk takin my shoes off and tryin 2 get those little shitz off of me....so i told jim i could not feed that damn thing for i could not stand those fleas...i know he was not up 2 it either but he went and got some flea spray 2 spray as he enter the house...here is the kicker i called my parents cell 2 tell them about there thousands and thousands fleas feeding in there house and they had someone in the family good and attend 2 them and we...well jim still fed the damn cat....well i guess this guy that was takin care of the flea part told my parents i was not feeding the cat...funny i do believe i know where my parents live and i do believe i know what we do in our lives here at my house...but my mom called cryin sayin she was coming home cause the cat was not being takin care of...wtf...i said look u said feed the stupid cat and that is what i am doin so back off....well like i said today was a bad day as i laid on the couch waiting 2 attend work and was not sure how i was going 2 do that being i was in major pain....but my phone rang and i could not get 2 it in time and it was my grandmother sayin please feed the cat....wtf....so i was pissed called my mom and told her look i am tired of u people assuming we r not doin our job but we r and i would like for all of u 2 get the hell off my back about it...and for now on i am not doin shit when it comes 2 that pain in the ass cat...i am stressing over a stupid ass cat....

but it was nice today 2 go 2 work and get recongized for the work i do...and the pay increase was nice also...but during my lunch i always call home 2 see how things r doin here and jim had told me the psycho neighbor was threating my children sayin if the ride there bikes through there yard again they where going 2 knock them off there bikes....hmmm i did not realize that a alley way was a yard and last time i check its a road which no one owes but the city...this lady is one hell of a bitch...she screams at everything in sight she yelled at me for driving past her going up the street...then we hear her screaming as we r sitting in our home listening 2 her say know one understands them and how we all can go fuck ourselves...now i am rather sick of the words she says because i do have small children and they do play outside...i am not sure what 2 do in this matter...i really think she has bi-polar 2 be honest....but if she keeps up with the threats she will be havin my shoe in her ass...no one threats my children...my kids keep 2 themselves and rides there bikes from our street 2 our garage in the back and i know where my kids r at ....at all times....