now what
02.24.06 (10:05 am) [edit]eh so its not really any better today still feel like i am losing...i cant stand this i had enough i feel like no matter how i feel it will never matter...i feel like this is not my home like i lost it 2 everyone around me..he sits and shows like nothing is wrong like i am only seeing what i want...i can see right through people thats my fault..i wish i did not have that talent i can tell when something is going 2 happen i guess i was bless with that...but how can i go on letting this happen me feelin like no matter how i feel it does not matter...UGH I AM PISSED!!!!!!..i want 2 tell him 2 go and get a place and be happy with his kids but i love him so much...what should i do...i cant deal with drama i am afraid if drama is brought back into my life i will fall...i WILL BE LOST IN THIS WORLD FOREVER!!!!...i ask the lord each night what did i do 2 keep getting so lost....*sighs*
pissed
02.23.06 (10:49 pm) [edit]i feel i am totally losing everything around me i think i am losing myself....it all started when jim's ex called and told him her marriage is over and that they r movin back up this way...i was so happy therefore i could spend more time with the kids...until...she would call us for stupid reason's and seem 2 call at bad times...see at the beginning of our relationship jim pointed out stuff 2 me about how bill and i where how i need 2 cut certain strings with him on certain things well without even thinkin about it i broke free..i felt i wanted jim and i 2 be happy and i did not want jim 2 feel out of place at all...but here is the kicker i am feelin out of place with his ex calling its makin my stomache hurt and i am starting 2 get annoyed by the kids callin..how can this happen i enjoy the kids so much...jim just does not seem 2 understand where i am comin from..tonight i told him 2 get back with his ex cause i could not take the calls anymore...how would i feel if jim walked out i would dead..jim is my everything but in the same sense he is killing me by letting these phone calls continue...i am a mess not sure on how 2 handle this i am suppose 2 marry this man...but how does one ignore the ex that seems 2 just be there all the time
totally lost
02.19.06 (12:14 pm) [edit]so its a year for jim and our relationship..one might ask how its going well its wonderful..but today its a huge test in life...how does one stay so strong in dealin with ex's...yep his ex wife is havin major problems in her life with her husband and crys on jim's shoulder about what she should do...with my ex i am strong about he has a new life and i do also and there is no need 2 get in his shit and he stays out of my mine...the only thing we discuss is the kids...but maybe i am wrong should he help her...i think he should just help the kids and let her grow up and become a stronger person in dealing with her own problems....ugh i am totally buggin over this whole thing...well happy anniversey jim..deep down i will always love u...just not sure i am ok with this now
