What a joke

12.25.05 (10:54 am)   [edit]
:roll:what a fukkin joke christmas is...never fever christmas sucks major ass...lets see i spent well over my limit on gifts this year once again...lets see fighting among the kids and jim and i at each others throats because of shit around here...yep happy fukkin christmas...soooo i sit upstairs 2 avoid anymore fights what a fukkin christmas...it actually has me sick 2 my stomach...let me understand something really how could anyone treat a person that buys everything....that has a heart of gold like SHIT...everyone knows i hate christmas that is no secret at all...so WHY start a fight with me of all days...he does not even give a flyin shit that he totally crushed my heart today...eh fuck it...i am really drain from tryin 2 keep things afloat with all this christmas shit...soooo i think its someone elses turn 2 keep shit going well around here...i bust my ass everyday workin 2 jobs havin no time for nothing 2 make sure we all have a roof over our heads and that we r well takin care of...do i deserve this kind of shit...fuck no...total bullshit...i would like 2 go downstairs throw all the christmas gifts away throw the ham 2 the dog and say MERRY FUKKIN CHRISTMAS U RUDE ASS PEOPLE!!!!!!!...god i am rather sick

totally freaked me out

12.20.05 (7:20 am)   [edit]

ok something totally freaked me out at work the other day....before work jim and i where talkin about christmas and i was tellin him this is not my favorite hoilday...i mean who can hate christmas...me me...anywho i am not going into why i hate it so much but i was at work the most busy days ever and i see my aunt on my dads side which i have not seen for 14yrs standing 10 feet from me...tears start 2 build and i am like omg girl get your shit together u r working...so i ask myself do i approach her i stood there with a look on my face and when she started 2 walk by me she looked up and saw me and was happy 2 see me....she started tellin me about the family and all and asked how my family was doin...she talked about everyone BUT my dad which i wanted 2 asked but i just stood there shakin my head and answering her questions like i was in school and i was being punished for something..i was afraid 2 talk with her afraid she would not care...when she was leaving she turn and said we all still think about u and i must of had a look on my face like yeah okkkkkk...and she said yes elaine we still do...is this a sign of some sort or what...


but that brings me 2 jim he is tryin so hard 2 make this a happy one and i am tryin even hard 2 show that i am happy...christmas eve i rather just go 2 bed and pretend it never happen...such a happy time of the year and i just rather for it 2 be done and gone


this year i have jim and his kids in my life and i am sure it will make a difference in having someone u care so much about 2 enjoy it with...being my kids r only here part-time for they share it with there dad also....eh tis the season 2 be joy lol....