just me writting about whatever comes 2 mind
12.20.04 (6:45 am) [edit]| well i see i am going 2 have major problems with the guy 2 houses down...he kept reporting me on my dog for the littlest things so i went got rid of the dog now he is complaining about my kids....i would love 2 put this guy in his place...i mean my god kids like 2 play in the snow and sled ride...and he has 2 complain...yet i saw this man come out of a drug house and he is going 2 start shit with me...i was so pissed i cussed his ass out yesterday...i hate 2 be in that kind of mood...then have my kids cryin cause they want 2 be outside havin fun....fuck this...the house is going up for sale in the fall my kids do not need someone breathing down there backs....and blah its almost christmas time...blahhhhhhh...christmas eve i will have my mother and my grandmother spending the night with us...haha oh joy...one good thing came out of this is the kids cleaned there rooms...amazing...u can actually see the floor...now they have the playroom which is not bad since i got rid of most of the toys lol...so i was thinkin about going 2 NC for the russian christmas in january...i really dont care if it puts me behind i am so sick living day by day miserable and not happy...i am going 2 try my best 2 make each day go the way i want it 2...this sadest has 2 end...haha i talk alot of shit i know lol...anywho i am going 2 go and get more shit done around here.. |
hate the day so far
12.11.04 (7:00 am) [edit]| so what a fucked up day so far....i have seen so much going on with alot of shit in my life and its just like i am standing outside of my body and watchin all this go down....i got a message from Rob and he made me feel like shit of course seems i got alot confused about everything....and now he said i hope your kids enjoy the christmas stuff i sent..god i feel so damn bad...i just dont get the whole war shit and what happens over there its not like i live this life u know...so i explain that 2 him...not sure how this is going 2 work...fuck i dont want 2 talk about this i am going nutz...i seen alot today that is all i am going 2 say from so many people...yeah i need a night out or something or just time away from anyone i know...ughhhhhhh fuck it.. |
my blog is out of wack
12.09.04 (5:04 pm) [edit]well i have read over my blog and u know what i am nutz...plain as day i am...i go through men like i change my clothes....so i am tired of this...really i need 2 be more focus....give up on tryin 2 find love..i honestly do not think its out there so many say they r inlove yet when u look at them they look miserable...so many people want 2 fuck with heads and hurt u in so many ways..yet they say they love u....love hmmm its something so many of us say so easily....well as of this moment love will never come from these lips...i can actually say i hate people or really really dislike them....my god what do u get honestly by hurting someone...just do not get it...do u know of someone who just likes 2 start fights with u all the time...i mean there is a guy i talk with and he likes 2 pick fights...tonight i am sick i think i am comin down with the flu i am tired and miserable but he thinks there is more going on then just this....wtf...people get on my nerves anymore....littlest things bother me.... but i think its me...no one else just me...i get like this at times where everything and everyone gets on my nerves i will be like this for a week or 2..plus its christmas time and that its self is a major problem with me... christmas time...hmm suppose 2 be happy and cheerful....i wish i could for one christmas...but all i see is pain when it comes 2 christmas...it reminds me of the christmas i would have with my dad.....i would go all months and never talk or see my dad...but every christmas eve my dad would come and pick me up and take me 2 his side of the family for christmas...god how i felt so stupid...they would give me all my present from the other holidays and my birthday all on christmas.....how i would spend 7pm 2 midnight with my dad and then he would drop me off and leave....he did that from 5yrs old until i was about 13 then that stopped...so when christmas times comes around i rather just sleep in bed and forget that day all together...i try 2 be happy for my kids though..no reason 2 bring them down...but then they r not here for the whole christmas either they r off with there dad...story of my life... its funny how i am still lost in this world....i just hope soon i will understand my being here |
still no word if he is ok
12.05.04 (7:00 am) [edit]| its sunday and i have not heard from rob yet...last time i spoke 2 him was thursday night....how do i focus on anything else..how do i sike myself in believeing everything is ok...deep down he is fine..right...i am sick..i just lay in bed not wanting 2 do anything..how am i 2 do this for another 2 months....i just pray he is safe PLZ GOD KEEP HIM SAFE...god i wish for a sec he could get word 2 me he is fine...maybe if i go 2 the military room they can give me ways of dealin with this..i had 2 deal with this with my brother in the gulf war but he kept in touch so much that it was ok....rob's job is dangerous and yes i know every man over there is in a dangerous area...but he is in charger of the mp and he would never sit back and let his troopers go alone on anything..he has already told me this..that no matter what they have 2 do he is right beside them...well not feelin well so i guess i am going back 2 bed....plz pray for rob and the troops and lets get them home safe...I LOVE U ROB |
hope he is ok
12.04.04 (3:30 pm) [edit]| well its the weekend and i should be feeling great for i am off for 2 days...but...i havent heard from rob and i am worried...i know things r different over there and i know things happen all the time but i just miss him like crazy....plus my friend told me about his dream he had of me kinda freaked me out....i believe in dreams and stuff...he said he saw me in an accident and asked me 2 stay home today...freaks me out...but my mind is on rob and hopin he is ok....ugh i cant even focus on this tonight |
not sure what this is...just rambling
12.01.04 (5:47 am) [edit]wow...first time i come on here and just stare at the empty box...there is not much going on with me lately..just workin alot of hours and getting ready for christmas...the kids put the tree up last night kinda funny reminds me of a charlie brown christmas...the tree is leaning and they put all the blinking lights at the top of the tree lol...put hey they like it so that is all that counts... ok so i am worried...rob pmed me the other morning 2 tell me he was running a tempt of 102.6...now i have not heard from him which is not like him..but i am sure they have him in bed somewhere so he does not get others sick...it sucks i cant be there 2 help him or understand alot of shit that goes on...how do u comfort someone when u have no clue what its like...i just want him home and safe he wants me 2 think if i want 2 be involved in this military life style...i hear there is alot of doors that can open being involved in the military life...but could i leave my family and take my children 2 a foreign country lol...i just do not see that happening...but i so do not want rob 2 miss out on what he deserves..i am so happy its already december feb is just around the block and i cant wait 2 hug him and wake up next 2 him and enjoy his love...its cute how the kids and rob talk on here and the bond he has with katelynn is wonderful...the look on her face when i tell her rob is online is wonderful... well since i got off work early for a change i am going 2 nap before my next job starts... |
