how things change
11.28.04 (11:10 am) [edit]wow...have not been in here for a while...alot has been happening but i am not sure if i am ready 2 share what is going on in my life....i just know i am happy and i totally get it now about death...i still out of the blue start cryin over my grandfather but i know he is with my grandma in so many ways...and he is healthy and enjoyin his time with his parents and his sisters....and i will be with him when its my time 2 be in heaven.....i am going 2 start going 2 church...i want 2 be able 2 understand god and who he is...i was never brought up in believing god...weird though my mom and my grandmother and them would go 2 church every sunday before i was born.... its weird how things happen....when i my grandfather was sick...i kept thinking of my friend over in iraq and how i need 2 talk with him and i couldnt he was on a mission he is the sgt of the military police and he was gone for so long...i kept my head up and knew he was ok...well the day my grandfather passed i came home 2 get a change of clothes and there was a message from my friend sayin sorry i was gone for so long but i am back...i swear my grandfather brought him back 2 me...i cant wait until feb when he comes home....today he goes on another mission this time i am really worried....as he is also where before it was ok...so i asked my grandfather 2 watch after him and keep him safe.... well i am back 2 work both jobs alot of hours now it really sucks but what am i 2 do..in time things will be different...the way my life is now i do not see being the same in the next months 2 come...i see alot changing... |
the last day 2 say goodbye
11.19.04 (3:30 am) [edit]| well today is the day of the showing...the last time i see him...its so hard my kids r so confused about all of this...yesterday i only cried once...but today i will be a totally mess...it is so sad how some of the family has been getting pissed over the most stupid shit ever...but its just alot of us r tired and sad i suppose...my aunts and uncles have put some stress on me and i think they dont even realize...but its ok...i would do anything for my grandparents so this is my way 2 help them...i was just remembering things about my grandfather....how he would get so scared with us kids on 4th of july haha...god we where mean we would shoot bottle rockets at each other lmfao...or how we would sit at the table and whisper and he could hear every word from 3 rooms down lol...god i will miss him...i hope u knows we love him...i would whisper that in his ear everyday before he passed...remember when by alan jackson reminds me of my grandparents...they where so much inlove with each other....my grandma is doin really well through this..but today is going 2 be hard on all of us...so i have my black clothes...i wanted 2 wear bright red...grandpa would of laughed i wanted 2 wear a big huge hat 2....i am glad he got 2 spend time with my kids and they will remember him....damn these tears....my ex husband is going 2 be with me today...its so hard on him 2...i want 2 reach out and hold him 2 but....so i have 2 be there at 1:30 today its going 2 be a long day 2-4 then 7-9...well i should go and start my day |
the day as come 2 an end
11.16.04 (1:35 pm) [edit]| well today it happen..i was at work and i cut my finger i need 2 get stitches in my finger yay...i thought everything was ok...my shift was almost over and my boss came 2 me and said elaine your grandfather just passed away....i rushed 2 my family i went in and straight 2 his room...i saw peace in his face...i went 2 him and kissed on his forehead and told him i loved him....u know i almost forgot how 2 breathe like my mind went totally lost for not knowing how...the rev came over and blessed him again and touched my shoulder and told me i was saved....it was sad they came and got him and when they pulled away the entire family is in the drive way watching him leave for that will be the last time he drives down that drive way...bill brought the kids over and i saw bill cryin he called off work 2 be with the kids...i had 2 make calls and tell people what had happen...its hard 2 say my grandfather has passed...i will miss him dearly |
watching a love die
11.15.04 (5:09 pm) [edit]well as of today things went bad for my grandfather..i come 2 find out 5am this morning my grandfather tried 2 pass away but my grandmother brought him 2..i was at work and got a phone call at 10am tellin me i need 2 come home... i sat by his side and told him i loved him and that we will be fine and he must go now...his color is turning a bluish color and his tempt is 104..his breathing is slowing down more and more and i watched him not able 2 take a breath and bite down on his tongue...that is something i never want 2 see again.. so work needs me 2 show up tomorrow haha 5am and i am going through all this bullshit..nice..what nice fukkin boss i have... the kids dad just called and we talked about the kids...speaking of them i went and saw them today the hardest thing i had 2 do..i explain 2 my children about how god is coming for grandpa and takin his pain away and take him 2 place where he will be free of pain and enjoy being...my kidos miss me like crazy i had 2 end up going down 2 my ex's parents house and spending more time with them my daughter called my cell cryin and sayin she misses me..ugh 2 sit and hear her cry broke my heart...damn this is so stressful...nothing seems 2 come easy... me i have no strength 2 stand up right now is alot of work i am really beat...so i need 2 make myself shower and go 2 sleep for i work tomorrow assholes |
my morning talk
11.15.04 (1:23 am) [edit]ok today is the first day we r open for the people i am so damn nervous its all new 2 me and wow i hope everyone understands this...haha well i get 2 see nick he already told me he misses all of us and how i will have my pest back lol... well things with grandfather is still the same....more morphene and all of us just a mess u never understand totally until u have dealt with this...i rather have someone die fast or in the hospital...at home its alot of work on anyone...but we r doin the best we can...tired worn out but that is family... i cant wait my kidos r coming home for the night then back with there dad i miss them so much...they r hurting they want mommy and i miss them so much...but they understand that my family needs me 2...i do not want them 2 see my grandfather in this stage of live...i want them 2 remember him talkin with them and wondering how well they r doin...then someone layin in bed not able 2 do anything... they always say they look good before they go....for some reason i do not think its his time but everyone sayin i am denial and that is normal...maybe i am but this is my grandfather... well ugh off 2 work...then home for 3 hours then back 2 work...the things u do for love ones is amazing |
another day
11.12.04 (9:39 am) [edit]| so another day at work..things seem 2 be going along until i passed out...god how everyone wanted 2 rush me 2 the hospital...damn relax i told them...i mean come on i am dealing with deaths and all this shit right now i am 100%percent drained...i cant sleep i cant eat...and i told them i would work tomorrow ugh i cant sit around and do nothing...when i am not doin anything i sit and think how there is nothing i can do for my grandfather...speaking of him i went 2 see him after work today...still no change...this is so sad...i am so pissed off at my boss she went and called my mother and told her what had happen at work today...its not like my family does not have 50million things on there mind...they sure in the hell do not need 2 worry about me..of course i lie 2 them and tell them i am ok and i am eating and all that lovely shit..i know i have 2 get my strength for all of this but i just cant eat or sleep...well its that time 2 head 2 my second job so yeah...alittle tired but i should be ok |
back 2 work
11.11.04 (11:56 am) [edit]| well today was the first day of training back at my old job...it was nice seeing everyone and seeing how things changed in the store..i am so damn happy i have weekends off she came through for me on this...so i will always have time for my kids now i cant wait...today i have another headache and my family told me 2 stay home and rest it was weird i got upset yesterday and my nose gushed out blood...its like soon as i got upset and was cryin it started..i am so tired..i saw the kids today for short time...bill is keepin them for couple of days 2 let me deal with this in my own way..for once he is actually being good 2 me..has the world changed...haha..NEVER I WILL ALWAYS BE LOST IN THIS WORLD!!!!!! |
death is knocking at the door
11.10.04 (4:07 pm) [edit]:cry:
today is a day i wish i never woke for...it starts out i was damn tired for some reason so i got up and took the kids 2 school and i came home and went back 2 bed..my cell rings its the dude that stalks me i get so damn mad i answer and tell him 2 go get bent and i hang up...i fall back 2 sleep and i start these weird dreams of all of these people in my life...then my cell rings again this time i thought i was still dreaming as i answer it..its my mother tellin me grandpa is not movin and has not eatin for 2 days and she was going 2 my grandmothers house...i said ok and then went on with my dream thats what i thought it was...my cell rings again its the kids dad sayin elaine dont worry about the kids i will get them and keep them for awhile u go and be with your family...by this time i am wide wake and not understanding what he is tellin me...i asked him 2 tell me why he wants the kids and he tells me about my grandfather...i rushed out of bed got dress and headed over 2 my grandparents house...when arrived my mom and my aunt where there in tears...i then knew this was bad this was not like these other times of him getting hurt or just going through this parkinson disease he has...i then turn the corner 2 find my wonderful grandmother in tears god does it hurt 2 see her that way...i rushed over and hugged her for thats all i could do at that point...then headed down the hall 2 his room god that hall felt so long i got there and he was not movin he just layed there so peaceful...i think thats the first time in a long time i saw him so peaceful...then the nurses and the hospital and stuff where callin and sayin the priest and the nurse will be stoppin by omg this cant be happen...so we all stood in the bedroom tryin not 2 cry and we where prayin for him the priest came and explain 2 us that we need 2 pray for him and for ourselves for this has been a long road for all of us...god my grandmother was a wonderful wife 2 this man 50years married and now she has 2 watch her husband pass away before her...how do u let go...i cant i cant...my grandparents where more like a mom and dad 2 me then grandparents so i am losen my father...i cant even think straight i have no one here with me my kids r with there dad he thinks its best that they do not see me this way...so i sit and pray all day for this 2 end for he is suffering...but i pray for her 2 be able 2 survive this she has all of us scared said he asked her 2 help him home for he cant find his way...i cant lose her i cant...god help us all
death
11.09.04 (7:53 am) [edit]
| ugh so i got bad news last night...seems my dads mom had passed away...funny how 15yrs of my life they never called me or wanted anything 2 do with me and my children but call me 2 tell me that...there is so much heartache right now....i mean they lived 20minutes from me and nothing...i tried 2 be the one 2 reach out several times but u could feel the coldness from each of them...i dont get it...so i pay the price for my real dad 2 be such an asshole 2 me and my mother...i did not beat my mother and cheat and all that shit he did...why should i be the black sheep of the family...they never met my children they missed so much of my life...i just wonder if my father will be man enough and show up for this...he lives in arkansas...i am just sending flowers and card and something for the family 2 eat i cant do this 2 myself i cant go down that path...its funny someone said that is your family....family by name and blood but i tell ya what honest that means nothing....i have support and love and all that great stuff from my mothers side and my step dads....my step dad had 2 take place of my dad and do his job that he was suppose 2 be here for...2 tell me its ok when a boy would hurt my feelings....2 buy me cool sunglasses for that first time out driving..2 walk me down on my wedding day....2 hold his first grandchild....blah yep he missed that all 2...i have so much mixed feelings going on right now...hurt,sad,disappointed,ang ry...well i better go and make some calls and get the flowers and stuff there... |
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this shit this morning
11.08.04 (2:57 am) [edit]already this morning i had it out with a friend....see he is in a bad way he has some issues that he needs 2 focus on and well he thinks he needs a female at this time...yet the female he plays mind games with is so easy 2 fall for his shit and not really look at the big picture...so yeah he is like playin her like this internet game that men and women play and its sick...so i told him 2 back off her that if he had any human feelings he would understand.... i guess why this bugs the shit out of me is he told how he has changed for the better and shit and as his friend u want 2 believe until u see this...its rather weird i do not know this person in real life but i can read him like a book and i know when he is up 2 know good...i called him on few things this week and he was amazed that i knew what i knew... i am not sure in why i give a shit what he does i guess i have been that girl fall for someone and thinks its heading in the right direction and then find out this guy was playin head games...never understand why u must play games with people... so he is upset i can tell that this girl and i had a talk last night about what he had done 2 her...i dont care if he is not...i mean u cant be like that 2 anyone...well as for the girl i hope she wises up real fast and tells him 2 get lost cause honest he needs that right now...as for our friendship i am upset for he lied...i am so upfront with everything with him as FRIENDS should be.. |
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ever wonder
11.07.04 (3:03 pm) [edit]now that is something i could just sit and stare at all day...wings of angel..water and trees...i wish i could go 2 my ex's camp i loved it up there at this time...the leafs all over the smell of them and the walks through the woods...god i would go 2 this spot up there and it looked over this lil town below it was so peaceful and i would just sit and think and feel so calm...u ever think that maybe where u r living is not the place for u...like u do not fit in...i mean ok i fit in my town but its like i am suppose 2 be some place else...probably about 6 months ago it hit me this weird feeling like i should move....but not real sure where....i mean my family is all here and with 5minutes of each other....but its like something is drawing me yet not givin in 2 where i am suppose 2 go...i just cant believe the feeling though i get up there in the mountains...wish i could feel that right now...i so need 2 clear my head
roses
11.07.04 (2:56 pm) [edit]| grrrrrrrr in a mood but somehow i kinda knew i would...something or someone has been putting my head in a spin...i hate this guess what i am thinkin shit and all that kind of shit lol...one minute it feels right...next it feels like wtf happen...i just wish he would make it easy somewhat...this guessing is drivin me nutz...anywho i am tryin different stuff with my blog so i think this is cool with the roses.. |
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Children
11.07.04 (6:13 am) [edit]ok this is really bugging me.....why do people feel they need someone at all times..u know i have fallen for that same pattern in life when i knew i could no longer love bill...i wanted someone 2 take his place...i guess the comfortable part of being with someone is not easy forgotten...now i seem 2 be pushing men away...i guess being away from that kind of life for 2 years makes u see things different... i just know the best part of this all is seeing the smiles back on my kids faces when there is no fighting anymore in this house....so many thing the kids do not see what is going on if they r small children..that is so wrong they pay attention 2 us more then we think.... honest if u r not happy with your parnter then leave as soon as u can...putting your family through the heartattacks of being with someone else or not showin that love u once showed its time 2 go...i remember sleepin on the sofa cause i could not stand 2 sleep with a man that was going out and meeting chics and all that lovely shit...i remember my son coming 2 me and askin why i no longer sleep in the same room as his dad...is it fair 2 put everyone through all that i ask...no its not... and i add this 2.....kids cant handle this mommy and daddy splitting at first its hard so why add 2 this by havin someone on your side so fast...it just adds 2 the heartache the not understanding where things went wrong...we tend not 2 think but jump on the first thing that walks by...i wish i could take back the pain my kidos seen through some of this shit with there dad and me...but i know they r handling shit better cause there school grades r so much better then last year and they smile more so that is so great 2 see u know.... i sat bill down and explain its not about us anymore...its about them and we need 2 be adults about all this and show them love and make them know no matter what they r important 2 us....we go 2 school activities together for them 2 show our support thats the best thing u can do is be there for your children.... |
ok
great day
11.06.04 (12:49 pm) [edit]:) had a great day with the kidos...went out for dinner then went shopping...ugh now i have 2 listen 2 annoying trucks that sing and beep and doin all that loud stuff lmfao...anyways its ok for now i suppose...as for my daughter she loves getting that make up stuff ugh..and fake nails lol...oh how pretty she will look lol...but anyday with them is great...well i am off 2 do laundry lol...the story of my life lol
shoppin day
11.06.04 (10:18 am) [edit]well its saturday and its shoppin day and i am waiting on the kids 2 get done getting ready...3 kids and waiting for that seems forever lol...ugh last night at work on the way back 2 my truck i got ran off the road...that scared the shit out of me big time...i think the guy was drinkin he was driving in the middle of the road and um i am sorry but u cant miss me in that huge ass truck and he never moved over and he was drivin with his high beams on...i moved all the way over i could but when the gravel met my tires it made the truck get out of hand for couple of seconds where i bounced back on the road scared me...and 2 top it off i still have this damn headache....since we r going shoppin and getting something 2 eat while we r out i think when i get back home i am going 2 soak in the tub....i am takin shit for this headache and all that and i cant shake it....well last kid is at my side 2 do her hair so its that time 2 head out and go shoppin...how i enjoy this :)
headaches
11.05.04 (9:03 am) [edit]so its 1:56pm and i just got out of a nice hot shower..so i sit and type in a towel this feels comfy....ugh i cant take these headaches i have had them for a week now...its weird i can handle the pain of dropping a desk on my foot or have 150pounds on a cage slam me up against a wall but i cant take a headache...ugh i took a nap and everything and its still there...i am sure it has 2 do with my moods lately...god if i did not know better i swear i was going through the change of life lmfao...hmmm age 28 i hope not...but then again i would get that out of the way lmfao...i am just happy this is friday and the weekend is here...i get my kidos this weekend so we r going shoppin...so far this sharing the weekends with bill is workin...notice i say so far....i wish i could sit like this all day..
Dan called today...asked if it was ok 2 come down tonight 2 talk...my head is spinning i told him i cant handle this...i explain that i am just not up for company and not sure if i ever will....dan pushed and pushed 2 far for me 2 except all this again...i am not in a hurry if it is ment 2 be it will happen...but i hate games....those ones when u tell someone u care about them and then 5seconds later tellin someone else the same or making it like u really dont give a fly shit about that person...
ugh i have not talked with my best friend for like ever his mom is not doin so well and i can understand his distances from me at this time..but i would love 2 be there for him...when my grandmother was dyin there is not much u can say 2 someone...but it was nice 2 have someone there for when u did break down and need that shoulder...i will just call later and tell him if he needs me i am here...
sometimes i wish i could be coldhearted...but that is not in me....i care and have feelings...and i think 2 many thats what gets me into trouble with life..damn me all 2 hell lol...well its almost time for that work thing lol...damn that 2 lol...
rambling
11.04.04 (10:58 pm) [edit]so i sit in tears its 4am...ugh i hate this...i want 2 cry out...i want 2 throw something hit something do something...why me...just once all i ask for...i am so sick 2 my stomach right now
abunch of negative shit lol
11.04.04 (2:56 pm) [edit]its amazing how u can speak right 2 my heart.....without sayin a word u could light up the dark...that means so much 2 me...these few days i have been talkin with some friends about some stuff going on in my life...i am havin trouble believing in love...when i took that path 2 get married i thought that would of been forever.....i honestly thought i loved him more then life its self....but when i had him leave and never looked back how can i say that i loved him that much...i feel inlove with john i really did til this day he is in the back of my head...but i know deep down its not ment 2 be and i am ok with that...i have been talkin with this guy for a bit now and well i have some feelings for him but i am afraid for as i fall i get hurt so easy...so what do i do...i push and push until he wants 2 forget everything...i cant explain why i do that...i am such a negative person...i hate it but that is what i am....i always look for the worst then the best...so i am tryin 2 understand and breath before i say anything....i am glad he talks with me about all this and understands where i am coming from...i dont know is this some kind of test i put them through...ugh...i am still in this mood....and its not cause of anyone but myself...there is so much i want 2 change and do for myself and i guess i am just kinda pissed at myself for not doin it...ok enough of this pitty me shit...i had it with that also...
still sexual mood lol
11.03.04 (4:00 am) [edit]haha its still sexual week here for me...i am listening 2 freak me baby...mmm how this is turning me on...i mean really listen 2 what it says...freak me baby....let me lick u up and down....let play with your body make u real hot..let me do all the things u want me 2 do...mmmmm....i want 2 lick u up and down then lay u down...oh baby lick mmmm this is such a turn on...if my man would whisper these 2 me instant wetness...i want 2 taste the whip cream spread it all over your body..come let me taste..mmmm....lick me up and down until i tell u 2 stop...
freak me!!!!
haha i hope this passes real fast..i do not know how much of this sexual week i can take lol
still in this sexual mood read and find out
11.02.04 (4:34 pm) [edit]so i am still in this sexual mood...mmm brings me 2 think of another time i had some great sex...i was at my mans house i was so tensed he told me 2 go and workout in his weight room he explain my muscles need 2 relax...so i went in and lifted some weighs and then went 2 the bike...he had this bike that the sit would go back and forth up and down like..it was great...i was so focus on this..then i felt this warmth of his breath breathing down my neck i wanted 2 turn and face him but he stopped me...he whipsers in my ear how he is so turned on and wants me right now and right here....i lean back into him and his hands r running wild all over my body he then takes my shirt off and then my bra and his hands cuff my tits and he squeezed them so gently then he got his tongue and licked up the middle of my back he knew what turned me on and then reached my neck and bit me so softly i wanted him i wanted 2 touch him...he then came in front of me and starts lickin my nipples and flicking his tongue on the tips of my nipples...mmmm...i then reached over and rub my hands up and down his chest for he was standing infront of me shirtless i then stood and bit his nips so softly but yet had him wanting more...he says ouch but his voice was more of dont stop...i then licked down his chest makin my way down 2 his pants...i then unzipped his pants and removed them and his yummy boxer briefs...i grab his cock and i get my tongue and at the tip of his penis i begin 2 go around and around with they tip of my tongue...i nibble so softly at the tip of his cock he sighs as he is wanting me 2 deep throat his cock he wants is cock inside of my wet hot mouth....i then take his cock deep in my throat i love the taste of his cock..i get the taste of the precum mmmm..i start sucking him slow at first teasing him mmm i move my lips up and down his shaft he stands and his head falls back for he is enjoyin this..he then reaches down and holds my head and tells me 2 take it all in...i start going faster and faster my lips going up and down his cock i feel his cock start 2 throb yessssss he is ready 2 cum..yes baby cum i want 2 taste your cum...then i feel this warmth of his cum slidding down the back of my throat i am so turned on at this point i want him 2 fuck me...i still keep sucking him and he starts 2 shake and moans out loud...then he pulls me away for he could not take much more of that...he tells me i was a bad girl for i will pay for makin him lose his mind...he then tells me 2 sit on the bike and put my legs on the handle bars...he then stand before me and starts rubbing his hands on my clit...tellin me he cant wait 2 lick me...2 have my juices all over his face...i get excited i cant wait he starts licking me mmmmmm yessssss...he gets his tongues and starts flicking my clit he starts going faster and faster with his tongue i cant take it i want 2 jump i grab his head and push him in closer for it felt so damn good he knew it was time for me 2 cum but me movin my hips and moaning i then cum all over his face and he lets out this yum...my body is tingles i cant move...he then tells me its not over for he wants 2 fuck me hard...he then tells me 2 stand for he wanted 2 sit on the bike he then tells me 2 sit on his lap..i could not wait for i wanted his throbbing cock inside of me...i then slide his cock into my wet pussy he starts peddling the bike and it begins 2 go back and forth and up and down and mmmmmmm my god his cock is ramming inside of me i want it 2 go faster and harder...i feel myself getting so wet i am dripping i scream out godddddddd for i did not know what 2 do with myself..he knew i was close 2 cumming and i knew he was not far behind me for i could see in his face how great this feeling with for both of us...he tells me 2 cum all over his cock and i tell him i wanted 2 feel his warmth of cum inside of me ...within seconds we both have came mmmm the feeling of him was wonderful...he then pulls out of me i start 2 rub my clit for i still am so turned on he tells me lets finish this in the bedroom...but that is another story for another time
sexual mood
11.02.04 (4:07 am) [edit] 
ok woke up in this I WANT SEX MOOD!!!! lmfao...yes i want sex dammit...i want 2 grab a man rip his clothes off and have my way with him....but i just do not want this plain sex....i want this 2 be a adventure...like start at home end up in a public place...i found out i had a wonderful orgasm when i had sex in a public place the fear of getting caught...mmmmmmmm damn the instant wetness u get...then when u find out someone is watching u..the intense of the sex gets more intensed....my ex and i had sex in a public place god how i wish i could get that orgasm back..i have only felt that one time in my life....
it started out we went 2 the bar for a couple of drinks a lil bar we would go and shoot pool...we would get this back table in the corner of the room...i loved the way this man would touch me...running his fingers up my thighs when i would bend over the pool table...it sent a tingle up my body....he knew what he was doin...how he would lean into me as if he was helpin me aim 2 make the shot...mmm by this time i could feel his cock pressing up against me...mmm rock hard...how he would whisper...i want u right now on this table...people would come back they knew what was up...it was not a shocker lol...he turn me 2 face him and place my hand on his cock...would ask me if i wanted that...mmmm...oh yeah i wanted that then and there didnt matter its a feelin i cant explain..its like this power was over takin my body...he ran his had down my face lookin into my eyes we both knew we where so turned on at that moment...we left the bar and went across 2 this parking garage where the car was..he drove this lil red sports car...we went 2 the top floor of the garage...we both got out of the car and came 2 each other thats where it began...again he ran his hands up and down my body i felt numb for all the tingles going threw my body i could just stand there and let this wonderful feeling go on...he unzips my pants and sticks his hands down my pants...god instant wetness...he knew he had me...he knew this moment was the best time 2 make me lose my mind....he places me on his car and begans 2 remove my clothes the fear of being watched never crossed my mind..for at that moment i was in some other place some other time all i knew was this was going 2 be the best sex ever...he leans into me and press his hard throbbing cock into me i feel the lil wetness coming out of his cock..how both of us where so turned on...he sticks it in 2 tease me he knew i wanted it now....mmm in and out his cock felt so good...he decides he wants 2 go into the staircase and finish our public display so we enter the staircase with this glass windows he has me up against this wall and is touching all over my body...sweat is pouring from both of us...this was all about me he wanted this 2 be the best sex ever...i felt the wetness run down my leg...something i never felt...he then places me infront of him and grabs me and has me sit on his lap on the stairs god his cock is still rock hard..harder then i ever felt it before...so i sit on his cock and start off slow god the feeling is overcoming i start 2 moan for damn this was so damn good...he tells me 2 go faster and let it all out....our juices r flowing and the look on his face was enjoyable for we both knew it was time 2 cum and we came together he jam his cock inside of me and i felt the warmth of his cum inside of me the best feeling ever...we just sat there and kissed and realized that we just had sex in a public place as we went out of the staircase we realized we where being watched by the guy in the apartments acrossed the street...we just sat and laughed and thought damn free porn for the poor bastard...as for our clothes they where all over the parking garage lol...so we got dressed and decided we need 2 get something 2 eat when we got 2 the bottom of the garage a police car was entering...hmm did someone call the police on us...we both laughed and drove off
MEN R ASSHOLES
11.01.04 (6:04 pm) [edit] 
I WANT 2 SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!! MOTHER FUCKER...MEN FUKKIN SUCK ASS!!!LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES....
HAHA I AM A NUMBER...WTFFFFFFFF.....NO NO THERE IS NO NUMBER BY MY SIDE THANK U VERY MUCH!!!!!!!!!....OH U LIKE ME LMFAO...OH U THINK I AM SEXY...OH U THINK I AM A GOOD PERSON..YET U SAY I AM A NUMBER LMFAO.....WELL GO FLY A KITE....THIS CHIC DOES NOT PLAY THIS KIND OF GAMES....THIS IS JUST ANOTHER POINT THAT MEN SUCK AZZZZZZZZZZZZZ....
HONEST THERE IS NOT ONE GUY OUT THERE I RESPECT...NO ONE DAMN ONE..ALL MEN CAN GO FUCK OFF AND LEAVE ME BE....MY ATTITUDE NOW IS BAD...REALLY BAD...I AM SO BEYOND PISSED
health issues
11.01.04 (7:30 am) [edit] 
so at 10:30am i was at my sons classroom...shame not all the parents did not show up i took the kids juice and cookies and scotts dad came with me...it was nice my son wrote about me and my dog..he was scared 2 read infront of everyone something he gets from his dad...i am very open about anything...haha..it was cute though i enjoyed myself....
so i have been tired alot lately and losin weight and pale in the face and losing my hair...*sighs* its my thyroid again...u ever just tired of medication and just want 2 live life free of medication...well i have been doin that for years now...my thyroid they cant get it regular and my weigh goes up and down and well i am tired of gaining then depression and all this lovely shit u deal with..so i stopped the medication...now i am seeing my hair fallin out and i am wore out from doin the littlest thing anymore...*sighs*...i had a bad time one time years ago...i dropped down 2 120pounds and being i am 5'8 it looked like i had cancer and was dyin...the doctors where tellin me i could have a heart attack at the age of 21...really i should contact my doctor and get on medication cause i am fallin into depression real bad again..it fucks with the hormones in your body so i am sure u could just think what this is doin 2 me...i am forgetting alot of shitz and this all happen 2 me before so i know the signs and its heading back 2 being bad...its nice that i have thick hair and u cant tell when a handful of hair falls out...but its scary when u r washing your hair and u have all this hair in your hands....
why does it seem that is one thing after another anymore...how i wish i could erase so much that is in my head and it like on repeat and it plays over and over...ugh...
i am push 2 music more and more i relate 2 alot of music and alot of it helps clear my mind for the time being....i just keep sayin someday it will be all over
what a day
11.01.04 (3:41 am) [edit]
today is the twins b-day...they looked so cute with there smiles on there faces...i am in an ok mood today alittle tired this time change thing sucks lol...i hope i have sometime 2 take a nap before work today...it felt good havin the kids home last night..the house is not the same when they r not here...so i miss the family b-day party my mom and few family members r havin alittle party for the kids today...of course i am workin..but this weekend is all for us...i cant wait i love 2 see them happy
